five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
