so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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