Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
