I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
