Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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