You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
