Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
