I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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