We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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