Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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