There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
