kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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