I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
