Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
