I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
