I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
