I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
