Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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