guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
