you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
