Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
