who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
