I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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