he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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