Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
