Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
