I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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