Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
