elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
