areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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