I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
