I love black thongs
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
