It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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