That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
