PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
