im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
