Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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