he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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