Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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