I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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