I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
