So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
