I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
porn star boner night. come get it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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