i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
