I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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