her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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