Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
