like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
