I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
