maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
