it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
How external is "for external use only"?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
