Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
