I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
