fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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