We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
