Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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