Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
